Coaching Center of Vermont Blog

News of the economic, environmental, and political challenges is unrelenting. It seems every time we turn around there is another report of a layoff, of a family losing its home, of people struggling, of wall street greed and malfeasance; of bombings in one corner of the world, and deadly weather in another.

It’s enough to put us in a state of endless high alert, and we can feel the impact in every relationship we have: with ourselves, our children, our life partners, our friends, our co-workers, our community, our Higher Power or sense of faith.

We’re fearful of losing jobs, guilty for still having one, denying ourselves even small pleasures out of fear that there won’t be enough, and perhaps feeling uncertain about what direction to go and what steps to take. Or maybe we’re feeling “If it’s all going to hell in a hand basket, at least I want to be doing something that really matters to me, to find the real meaning in my life and finally do what I really want to do.”

Our current times are a perfect expression of the paradox of crisis and opportunity. And now is the perfect time to partner with a coach. Over the next couple of months, we will be exploring the notion of growth during challenging times (or “Great, just what I need! Another @#%#@ growth opportunity!“).

We want to hear from you. What are you noticing about your responses to these challenging times? What’s hard? What helps? What’s changing? What’s new? What’s needed?

Join the conversation by adding your comments (just click on the comment link, below)…

By Peg Lucci

This article may not be exactly what you would expect to find during February,  the month of hearts, flowers and romance…BUT it is about relationships just the same.  This is about one of the most important relationships you may ever be lucky enough to have; the relationship with your child.

(Wait! Before you think this doesn’t apply to you because you don’t have children, consider this: chances are very good that at at some point you were yourself a child, and maybe you are even feeling a notion to throw some loving attention to your inner child, or maybe to someone else who may be acting like a child. In any case, please…read on.)—ed.

I have been a parent educator for 12 years and a parent for 20.  I love my work because it is an honor to work with families on such critical relationships; the ones between parents & kids.  These are the first relationships we have when we are born and the ones that set the stage  for all that follow.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are no guarantees that if a parent-child relationship is steeped in love, encouragement, and mutual respect, that all future relationships will be healthy.  Nor can I say that if those relationships are critical, controlling, and disrespectful , that all future relationships are doomed.  But I can safely say that those early, parent-child alliances do influence children and the kind of relationships they will have in the future. Although this thought is tempered by the fact that:

It is not “what happens to you” that determines the direction of your life; it’s what you decide about “what happens to you” that makes all of the difference.

I offer that thought in the spirit of hope and optimism  for any of us who may not have been raised by Ward & June Cleaver.  And also with a prayer for some much needed peace for all the parents out there who have poured their hearts & souls into raising their children only to be living through some challenging times with those same children.
(more…)

by Kim DuBrul

The month of February is very much about relationships, romance, love and commitment.  So let’s stir things up a little bit this February 2009 — with change still fresh in the air. Let’s talk about a different type of relationship — your relationship with yourself.

There is no better time than now to take stock of who you are, who you think you are vs. how you are really living your days. Where are you going and why? What’s important to you? Are you centered on who you want to be?  It is a good idea to stop and contemplate the state of your union with yourself and write your thoughts in a journal.

Here are some other questions I use when power coaching my clients in this area:

• What positive/negative characteristics do you have that you like/dislike about yourself?
• Why do you like/dislike these characteristics?  (this is where we explore feelings and I have a chart to help you!)
• What are the benefits to you having this characteristic? (yes, you benefit somehow even from the negative characteristic, or you wouldn’t hold on to it- I explore this with my clients)

Your values can also give you some guidance to decide whether you are on or off track with yourself.  Are you living in alignment with your most important values?  Some examples of values people live by are:

Family, connection to higher power, truthfulness, commitment, joyfulness, friendliness, competition, career, beauty, challenge, health, integrity, responsibility, service, justice, etc.

Once you have defined your most important values, you can use your journal again to keep track of your daily activities. After a few days, match your values list  to your activities list to see how you are living out your values in your daily life. How are you doing?

As a coach I help my clients to identify their values, then begin to live them or live them more fully every day. You can begin the process yourself, and a coach can help you to gain clarity in reaching your highest potential! When you are in touch with your values and have the deep knowing of who you are and where you are going, your relationship with yourself becomes a solid foundation from which to overcome challenges and experience greater joys in your life!  Here’s to you increasing the quality of your relationship — with yourself!

______________

Kim DuBrul has been coaching great clients for over 7 years and enjoys seeing her clients have breakthroughs and reach their goals during each coaching session.  Kim can be reached at 802-985-2482 and by email.

By Marty Garrett

Think about your own relationships. How often do you take the time to have a positive interaction with your loved ones? How easy is it to fall into negative patterns?

On Valentine’s Day we take the time to cherish our partners/loved ones and show our love and appreciation by sending/giving them cards. The marking of the day helps us to focus on the preciousness of our relationships. What would happen if we showed gratitude to those we love like this every day?

In Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, and How You Can Make Yours Last, Dr.John Gottman stresses that a key ingredient for a healthy marriage is having a five-to-one ratio of positive interactions to negative ones. Recent research has increased the desired ratio to eight to one in all of our significant partnerships. These numbers add up to a big number of daily Valentines. Imagine interacting with your partner with kindness and appreciation at these ratios!

In fact, I was shocked when I first read the ratios because I noticed that my ratio with my partner tended to be more like three to one. This realization was hard to swallow but it moved me into action. I became consciously aware of when I was being negative and started being more caring. This changed the energy between us, and there was more lightness and fun.

The first step to improving your relationship ratio is to realize you can create positivity by doing small things in your everyday interactions. These can range from using a loving tone of voice, saying thanks, giving a surprise kiss, offering to help, giving a good night hug, etc.

Each relationship has its own secret language of love. What are the ways you find most comfortable to show your caring? You can experiment with your own ways of increasing positivity and pay attention to the results. My hunch is that you will create a healthy cycle that builds upon itself. Flowers are nice, but what happens daily is what really counts.

__________

Marty Garrett is a Life & Relationship Coach, working with individuals, couples, and parents to help them create extraordinary relationships with self, others, and the world

It is International Coaching Week, a time when coaches around the globe offer complimentary sessions to help people experience the value of coaching; and coaches and their clients pause for a moment to reflect on, and appreciate the transformative power of the coaching relationship.

At CCVT, we like to celebrate big. We don’t want to be limited to a skimpy week-long celebration, so we always offer a complimentary conversation with our coaches to anyone who is feeling ready to take the next step and explore how coaching may support and enhance what they are up to (or want to be up to). Is that you? If so, take a few moments to get to know our coaches by reading their profiles. When you feel a tug of connection or curiosity, click on the link and introduce yourself.

And, if you do have a coach in your life, we invite you to pause for a moment and reflect on the value of that relationship. Celebrate the magic that happens in the powerful conversations that are coaching. Sing praises and share appreciations. Tell the world, or even some small part of it, of your delight in having a talented, creative coach on your side, as you go about doing (and being) those amazing things that you do (and are).